Lions and Tigers and Bears (and Thank God... I Phones) Oh My.

Sure. I grew up in Kansas. Spent the majority of my adult life in places where you could wave at your neighbors two states to the north and count the cows in their front yards.  People, you think you know flat. But your idea of "flat" is a hefty, heart-pounding climb to me. I grew up thinking the pitching mound at Royals games was some serious elevation.

So, I say all this to help you understand why all of THIS makes me nearly wet my pants every day:

This is my new home. It's in my backyard. It's insane. Gorgeous. Majestic. Spectacular. And probably soon to be the scene of the next great American hiker tragedy, thanks to yours truly. 

I like to fancy myself an outdoorsy person.  I have this delusional image floating around my head--looks a little like something off the cover of that National Geographic Outdoors magazine. (Let me tell you, I look BAD ASS standing on top of that mountain armed with my huge backpack and granola with the Bald Eagle perched on my shoulder. Side note: after meeting me, you may wonder if drugs were involved in this hallucination.)

So it's with this horrible misappropriation of confidence that I tackle this kind of wilderness:

And it is with deep shame and humility that I admit the following to you.  

During one of my first hikes, I was armed with an apple, my Royals hat, running shoes and Hiking Guide book from the outdoor store (what could possibly go wrong? I had THE BOOK).  Anyway, I didn't get lost, but I had a lot of time to think and think about all the bears out there.  My first thought...  "Oh E, stop being silly. People hike here all the time. Just because there are trees doesn't mean there are bears." 

Five minutes later, I had very clear mental visions of herds of black bears (don't they travel in herds like buffalo and cows?) ... HERDS of them attacking me, clawing off my face and passing my scraps around to the cubs. 

So what did this outdoorsy girl do? 

Pulled out her Iphone, and googled "how to survive a bear attack". 

(yes, I was so far out in the dangerous wilderness that Verizon still had 5 bars and a great wifi signal).